THREE TIERS OF PROTECTION
Pick your
loadout.
Two pieces. One mission. Every edition includes The Pearl Clutcher brief and The Cup insert — engineered together, washed separately.
Kit
The Kit
One Pearl Clutcher + one Cup. The complete system. The default.
$45
- 1× Pearl Clutcher brief
- 1× The Cup
- Active Duty welcome card
- Anti-Father's-Day Card (perforated)
"The thing the ad sells. Start here."
×3
The Laundry Pack
Three briefs, one Cup. The math of being in it for real.
$95
- 3× Pearl Clutcher briefs
- 1× The Cup
- Active Duty welcome card
- Free shipping included
"Three briefs, one Cup. Rotate the briefs. The Cup is the durable half."
Gift
Family Jewels Defense System
The full gift set. Father's Day–ready, baby-shower–approved, OSHA-curious.
$135
- 3× Pearl Clutcher briefs
- 3× The Cup
- Premium gift-presentation box
- Foil-stamped "Active Duty" card
"The only Father's Day gift that actually does something."